Why Marriage Is So Hard

Succeeding at marriage is very, very hard. It’s gravity-defying hard. Making my Kickstarter to support couples a success in these final 7 days is going to be just as hard. I want to let you know why I know it's still possible. The only place to go is straight to the top.  

Currently we're at 34% of the funding goal to launch and publish Love Under Repair: How to Save Your Marriage and Survive Couples Therapy, and have a LOT of ground to make up. I'm grateful for the amazing reviews of the book and I’m thrilled to have received more than $9,000 in pledges. But unless we get all the way to $25,000 I won’t receive a dime of this generous support. Yet I want to tell you something; there are everyday people like you and me that defy the odds. They stay married despite the incredibly strong inertia pulling against them to give up. 

Alex Honnold free-climbs thousands of feet in Yosemite with nothing but a bag of chalk. My palms sweat just looking at him.

Alex Honnold free-climbs thousands of feet in Yosemite with nothing but a bag of chalk. My palms sweat just looking at him.

One of my favorite things to do occasionally is watch videos on YouTube of free climbers. Free climbing is just what it sounds like—climbing a slab of rock with no ropes. Some people call it courageous while others call it irresponsible. Alex Honnold is the world’s most daring and successful free climbers to ever live. With nothing but the skin of his two fingers and the tips of his toes touching the rock at any given time, Honnold mounts a human assault against the forces of gravity and fear.

Watching Honnold’s breathtakingly beautiful (and ridiculously dangerous) climbs has inspired me to also keep climbing, to work hard this week to talk to old friends about the impact their contribution can have on couples that need help. Says Honnold, “You just have like a cubic inch of your finger crammed into the crack and your feet sort of pasted onto nothing. Your whole body is hanging in air. It feels like your stepping into the void.”

For friends of mine Nathan and Jeanine, going through a marriage crisis also felt like stepping into the void. Married for fifteen years, they struggled for a long time with conflict over parenting styles. They reached a point where they lost respect for one another, stopped cooperating, and couldn’t have a conversation without a fight. Despite being dearly devoted parents to their three children, Nathan and Jeanine were so disconnected from one another that they completely lost their grip on their marriage. They were headed for divorce.

Going to marriage counseling was supposed to make things better. It made things worse. They ended up with a well-intentioned but inexperienced therapist that wasn’t able to give them the proper footholds they needed to climb back to a secure connection with each other. Though they were paying a professional hundreds of dollars for help, they were still feeling stuck precariously on a ledge trying to free-climb through the toughest part of their relationship. Fortunately they got a second opinion and got the help they needed, saving their marriage and keeping their family intact. 

Love Under Repair is a second opinion for couples struggling to get competent professional help. I wrote it for people like Nathan and Jeanine. By highlighting essential knowledge needed to effectively choose the right couples therapist, it’s like a safety line that guides couples through each step of the way to get the kind of professional help that can effectively repair relationship problems.

Because I know firsthand that there’s a safe and effective way to overcome relationship difficulties, I’ll go to the wall and fight for my Kickstarter to succeed this week. I’m pushing myself way beyond my comfort zone to ask friends and strangers alike to step up and make a pledge to Love Under Repair on Kickstarter so that this one-of-a-kind consumer’s guide to couples therapy will be widely available to couples that really need it.

I need your help more than ever now. Together I know we can make it to the top and reach the goal of 100% funding before the deadline on Wednesday, November 19th at 10:18am. 

Will you fight with me to strengthen and protect marriages? Will you make a pledge that will make this Kickstarter have a chance to reach our goal? If you've already pledged, will you personally share this with one of your friends--perhaps someone that could make a significant contribution? 

Pass the chalk.